I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
