I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
