I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
