hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
