I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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