whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
