ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
