lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
