btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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