i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
