I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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