Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
