how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
