wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
