It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
