We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
