why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
