I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
