There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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