I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
