That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
