yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
