I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
