maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
