Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
