the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
