i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
