I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
