oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
