i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm always down for nudity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
