Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
