i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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