Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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