Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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