guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There r osticjed everywhere
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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