So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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