Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
