He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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