Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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