Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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