You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
