just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
