Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
