So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
