drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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