My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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