honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
