you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
