Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
