He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
