I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
