He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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