Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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