allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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